yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
