I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
