his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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