i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
