btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize