$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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