hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
