i already hear my dad disowning me
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
