How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
