We're facebook friends in real life
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
