a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
