Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
