Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
