I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
