ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think I sprained my soul last night
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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