is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
how drunk are you?
Several
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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