you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
