I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
