I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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