I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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