the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
