i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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