Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
