so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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