But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
