the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
