a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
