this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
