i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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