Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
