Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
