Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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