the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
