So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize