i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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