I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
