Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
smell my finger.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
