oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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