I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
