hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
