"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
