Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
