So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
