I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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