Im at strip club and am horny
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
