so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
