i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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