Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
