Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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