how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
