Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
smell my finger.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
