I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
