I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
