Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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