Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
is that a dick in a sweater?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
