you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
