i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
