Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize