He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
