We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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