Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
