So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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