Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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