$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
