I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
