How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
