As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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