My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
