I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
