i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
