last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
