VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
