why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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