i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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