OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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