I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
