Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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