my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
