I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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