i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
