why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
