i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize