his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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