Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
