I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
