im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
